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Ryan Dalton - I'm Married, Let Me Tell You About It (CD)

Ryan Dalton - I'm Married, Let Me Tell You About It (CD)

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Proud Clevelander Ryan Dalton’s first CD, “I’m Married, Let Me Tell You About It,” gallops confidently from fun with drunken eavesdropping to why you never see a black man with a wiener dog (but if you did, that dog would be named “Bubbles”), without avoiding the hot-button issues. For instance:

  • Race: Racism is wrong, but white privilege is pretty damn nice (if you’re on the white side of it, of course).
  • Rape: If you can’t tell which guy in the elevator looks rapey to the lone female, it might be you.
  • Food politics: There’s no such thing as a vegetarian, unless you’re a Triceratops. Otherwise, you’re just a picky eater who loves attention.
  • Sexuality: The words “fiancee,” “Pinot Grigio,” and “Chrysler Sebring” all make others assume you’re gay.
  • Relationships: When women start using the Socratic method, wherein all requests are phrased in the form of a question (but using the word “we”), assume all your weekends are taken up, from now until forever.
  • Men vs. Women: Men live in a Subterranean Sadness Swamp, while women live on Fluffy Bunny Princess Island. Certain experiences just don’t cross that border.

On a CD ostensibly about marriage, what you don’t get is the standard “marriage ruins everything” hack comedy. Instead, listeners are treated to a balanced, honest, and deeply funny assessment of how to be liberated through a relationship and how to operate in a world in which the balding man is devalued; women will pause a conversation about Keynesian economics to pose for a selfie; Facebook is not a portal to the future, but a trap keeping you forever mired in the past; and even Afghanis look down on your hometown. This is real life, and Ryan Dalton’s the real deal.

Track Listing

  1. Wish You Were Here
  2. Warm Up Jokes
  3. I'm From Cleveland
  4. Black Eyes
  5. Elevator Justice
  6. Imaginary Vegetarian
  7. Fiancé
  8. Cocky Single People
  9. My Wife the Nurse
  10. Question Questions
  11. We Need
  12. Freedom Finally
  13. My Report on Women
  14. The Book of Face
  15. No Kids Yet
  16. Hot Carl
  17. How Dedicated Are You?
  18. Am I Your Best Friend?
  19. I'm Going Bald (I'm Bald in Denial)

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