Ryan Dalton - I'm Married, Let Me Tell You About It (download)
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Proud Clevelander Ryan Dalton’s first CD, “I’m Married, Let Me Tell You About It,” gallops confidently from fun with drunken eavesdropping to why you never see a black man with a wiener dog (but if you did, that dog would be named “Bubbles”), without avoiding the hot-button issues. For instance:
- Race: Racism is wrong, but white privilege is pretty damn nice (if you’re on the white side of it, of course).
- Rape: If you can’t tell which guy in the elevator looks rapey to the lone female, it might be you.
- Food politics: There’s no such thing as a vegetarian, unless you’re a Triceratops. Otherwise, you’re just a picky eater who loves attention.
- Sexuality: The words “fiancee,” “Pinot Grigio,” and “Chrysler Sebring” all make others assume you’re gay.
- Relationships: When women start using the Socratic method, wherein all requests are phrased in the form of a question (but using the word “we”), assume all your weekends are taken up, from now until forever.
- Men vs. Women: Men live in a Subterranean Sadness Swamp, while women live on Fluffy Bunny Princess Island. Certain experiences just don’t cross that border.
On a CD ostensibly about marriage, what you don’t get is the standard “marriage ruins everything” hack comedy. Instead, listeners are treated to a balanced, honest, and deeply funny assessment of how to be liberated through a relationship and how to operate in a world in which the balding man is devalued; women will pause a conversation about Keynesian economics to pose for a selfie; Facebook is not a portal to the future, but a trap keeping you forever mired in the past; and even Afghanis look down on your hometown. This is real life, and Ryan Dalton’s the real deal.
- Wish You Were Here
- Warm Up Jokes
- I'm From Cleveland
- Black Eyes
- Elevator Justice
- Imaginary Vegetarian
- Cocky Single People
- My Wife the Nurse
- Question Questions
- We Need
- Freedom Finally
- My Report on Women
- The Book of Face
- No Kids Yet
- Hot Carl
- How Dedicated Are You?
- Am I Your Best Friend?
- I'm Going Bald (I'm Bald in Denial)